Head Games

Everyone has their own interpretation to the phrase – Head Games. Usually, it has to do with what type of mind game someone else is putting you through.

Today, I’m talking about the Head Games we play with ourselves. The twisted thoughts and internal mixed messages we give to ourselves every single day. There is a total contradiction between our thoughts and our feelings, what we tell ourselves verses what the outside world influences are cooking up for us.


I was raised, like most people my age (over 40 *cough*), to look a certain way and inspire to “be better looking” physically. That only a “fit” person has a waist size like a supermodel. (Even that statement shows how we compare ourselves to what the outside world says we should aspire to.) We are told by the marketing stream and by all the other people who bought into the hype, that only “thin”, “fit”, “sexy”, and “pretty” people were accepted, valued, acknowledged, and loved. We were even told it’s better to lie about our age, like being old is a sin (ok, I’m over 50, closer to 60). See, even I can’t stop playing Head Games with myself.

WE are our own worst enemies. We hide it outwardly by using self-deprecating humour, while inside, we are self-loathing.

Don’t get me wrong; there are a lot of other opinions and ideas that are pushing their way to the surface. Some of these messages are meant to be uplifting and revolutionary even. “Be happy with who you are”, “Size DOESN’T matter”, “Acceptance begins with YOU”. These are all good and worthwhile messages and they have their place.

You might say, “Ok, so what’s new about that? There are thousands of articles written every day about this.” That is true and here is one more. I guess I feel that maybe I need to write this for me. I’m the one that needs to hear it, believe it, and most importantly, change my own Head Games into ones that I can win every now and then.

In my case, the Head Game I play with myself is the one about physical attractiveness verses my physical health. I still have the, “only thin people deserve to be accepted, valued, acknowledged and loved”, voice in my head. This statement fights with the newer messages, “Size DOESN’T matter”, “be happy with yourself” and, my personal favourite, “You can be both fat and healthy”. Clearly, with this internal dialogue going on, self-esteem has lost its way.

So, what can I do to turn the Head Game into one I can win? Well, stop playing it obviously! But to do that, I have to find my own message, a voice in my head that I need to listen to. I have to re-examine my beliefs and look at my future and envision what I want it to look like. Burn away the old messages of self-hate and comparative narratives. I have to simplify it and start with the one message in my head and get out of the Game.

One of my favourite messages/quotes that I should recite daily, is known as The Serenity Prayer:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Reinhold Niebuhr
Never a truer statement was ever made. Change is hard, that’s for sure, but I know if I keep in mind what I want my future to look like, find the courage to find things I can achieve and believe, find the wisdom to ignore the Head Games, I know happiness, peace and serenity can be had, one day at a time.

~ Amanda Ford ~

Durham Philharmonic Choir

Supporting the arts in its many forms is one of the reasons I assist with the Social Media for the DPC. This is a professional Choir made up of over 70 talented, classically trained singers. That is why I highly recommend anyone in the Durham Region (GTA) take in one of their concerts.

It just so happens there is one coming up on April 9th. Please read the poster for info and go to their website to get tickets and come on out and enjoy beautiful music. See you there!   http://durhamphilharmonic.ca

A New Year for You


Go forth my friends with peace and love
conquer your fears by believing in hope and faith
Look to the future with optimism and grace
and live each day making life a better place.

Don’t overtax your worries with lofty goals
or let stress and strife bring you down
Instead strive to take in each precious breath
so when the last one is done, you’re proud of what’s left.

If, for yourself, this is too much to ask
reach out some kindness for others who can’t
You will find that sharing the good parts of you
will open your heart enough to care about you too.

Peace and Love,

Christmas Everyday

There are sounds we hear at Christmas
Like no other we ever hear
There are sights we see at Christmas
We just don’t see the rest of the year.

If everyday we celebrated with song and joy
and peace to fill our hearts throughout the land
There would only be love and kindness
and we would all walk hand in hand.

If we felt the warmth of Christmas, every single day
we would go forth and share it, one by one
Soon… faith, hope, charity and love
Would all be for everyone.

Merry Christmas Everyone!
For today and Everyday.

Amanda Ford

You Are The Reason

My heart feels whole
no more broken pieces
no more jagged pain
My heart was healed
by you.

Trust has been found
it was taken
it was misused
Trust  has been restored
by you.

My smile is like a light
no more darkness
no more tears
My smile has been given back
by you.

Love is possible again
it was lost
it was forgotten
Love grows and the reason
is you.


Secret Garden


Walls upon walls

so high and deep

each brick has a

Secret to keep.

With bloody nails

and tired bones

I’ve tried to climb

your walls of stone.

On sunnier days

I can almost see

through the cracks

to where your garden be.

Promises of treasures

and a love undenied

keep me from believing

it all could be a lie.

So for now I will hope

and do all that I can

to unlock the door

to your Secret Garden.

by Amanda Ford